There comes a time when fear, and anger finally stop being your guiding light. That moment is when you let go, say “F@&$-IT!”, and jump toward your destiny. HMLD *~*
This is my story of discovering my own internal strength.
I’m totally fan girling on an entrepreneur, because he lives what he talks, (I know you won’t believe it’s the reason once you see him). He posted this. So, because I’m following his FB, checked it out myself.
Here’s an excerpt from Matt White‘s referenced blog: A rhino is already nearly impossible to take down – the presence of 3000 pounds, 2-inch think skin, and a horn that creates fear just by its appearance. Now, put that rhino in a corner where it’s got nothing to lose…imagine the response.
Here’s my response: Well spoken point. My only problem is the fear, and rage involved with being a cornered animal. (Will have to read his book). There is a way to approach the Nothing to Lose concept without all the fear, and anger of feeling cornered. I call it my, “F@€£-it & Jump Factor” Story too long for this space on how this factor came about. I’ll blog it for Monday’s HMLD
I have been the child, the woman, the mother with Nothing to Lose. Backed up in a corner, emotionally, and many times physically. I’ve put myself in some scary financial situations because of the choices I’ve made. I’ve been in that caged space of absolute terror.
It is a place of lost control. Of lost light. Of mind numbing pain. Of pure, suffocating, dark fear.
From the corner, there is no controlled response. The brain ticks into the fight or flight mode. Not a clear thinking-kick a**-conquer the challenge mode.
- Clear thinking only comes once the fear is let go of.
- Clarity only comes when you stop trying control whatever put you in the corner; whether physical, emotional, professional, or your own behavior patterns
- The power to conquer only comes when you are back in control.
I know without a doubt these bullet points are true. Experience tells me this. Witnessing the behaviors in animals, people, loved ones, professionals all tell me these points are true. It is the letting go of the fear that is the true turning point – not charging forward from a place of fear.
In high school, I attended a summer camp as a rising Senior. One of our adventures was a challenge to climb up a tree to about 20 feet. A platform was mounted on the tree. Harnessed, helmeted, gloved, with our own safety cable, from the platform we were to jump about 10(?) feet away to grab onto a cable suspended tightly between two other trees.
I am T E R R I F I E D of heights (at this point in my life).
Apparently, so was the girl who went before me.
Tears. Openly boo-hooing. Lots of hugs. Lots of pats on the back. Lots of ‘you can do it’. Lots of support for her apparently very real fear of heights. Of climbing that tree and jumping. She talked the students, and counselors into letting her stay on the ground. Then…
It was my turn.
Let’s look back up six lines. What does it say? RIIIIIIIGHT. TERRIFIED of heights.
- Of getting on a chair.
- Of standing on my bed.
- Of climbing a ladder.
- Of being on a roof.
- Of climbing into tree houses.
- Of climbing trees.
- Of standing on big rocks.
- Of climbing rocks.
TERRIFIED!!! Is it clear?
Body shaking, cold sweat, pee-in-my-pants-where-is-my-diaper scared of heights.
When I am this scared, or uncomfortable, being that I seriously dislike making unpleasant public scenes (I do not mind at all being silly though – different energy), I was very quiet about my fear. Very animate that I was scared of heights. That I didn’t see the purpose in climbing a tree for my image of self worth.
Here’s the one statement I recall being made, “You’re just saying that because Dodi was scared. You’re just trying to get out of it.” I started to really be afraid. These people were people I was supposed to be able to trust. They did not hear me. They didn’t want to. My voice was a silent scream in the minds of the people who only saw me as trying to get out of something. Not only was I now afraid of the task ahead, I was afraid of the people surrounding me.
My back was tight. The skin feeling as though my scapula would break through if I lifted an arm. The back of my skull started tingling. My thighs cramped up. My sight dimmed down to just a fragment of awareness. My stomach clamped down (it was probably a great ab work out). My hearing was lost, and I became deaf.
I have no idea how I made it up that tree, and onto the platform.
Being a lover of the woods, I could take in the canopy, and appreciate the view. I still couldn’t hear. My vision couldn’t take in the people around me. I could only see the sun in the leaves. A beautiful yellow green. I knew from my soul this was a place of peace, even as the two instructors on the platform (might have been just one), talked me into jumping. Verbally telling me that no excuse would work because I would not be permitted to climb back down.
In the Southern parts of the USA, we have a lot of humidity. This allows for an optical illusion for depth awareness. Straight lines can appear further, or closer than expected. Only a still object near the line can help you discern the (more) true distance to the line. I faced this problem when looking at that cable. I couldn’t judge where it was in space. If I jumped to far, I’d land on my armpits. OUCH! If I didn’t go far enough, I’d miss. After the ridicule already echoing around, NO FRIGGIN’ WAY WAS I MISSING that cable!!!
Somehow. I do not know how…
I grabbed my fear. Released it. Let it go. Let peace, serenity come. I took a deep breathe.
In my mind (because you can’t curse out loud as a student), I said,
…and I jumped.
I grabbed the cable in my fists.
I didn’t jump because I was scared. I jumped because I let go of my fear. I was in a corner. Fear trapped me there. Would have pushed me to fumble, to dangle on the safety line. Would have created another humiliating experience. I…………let…………go………..of………….my…………fear. I jumped from a place of control.
From that day forward, any time I’ve felt I was backed into a corner, self inflicted, or inflicted by others, I still my mind. I still my heart. I still my thoughts. Then I say…
….grabbing the cables of (mostly) unknown opportunity(ies).
(feel free to be a grammar nazi. i’m learning here. never quite understood how to shackle my words to the rules set forth by someone who doesn’t live in my head ;)~ lol)